Dilemma…or delusion?

Nothing is easy…looking but not seeing, feeling everything but guilty, trying but not putting in enough efforts – that’s what I thought was easy. But when I started to see, I couldn’t just look; when I wanted to feel something but guilty, guilt drowned me; and when I started to put all the efforts in, I couldn’t just not put in all the efforts anymore. I could never go back to the things I thought were easy. I used to think that digging deeper was the answer. Well, in my experience, things often defied that belief. I wanted to just pass by and not look over my shoulder. That was unfortunately, too tempting. I looked back. When I looked over my shoulder, I saw, and I felt. I put in all of me out there. That wasn’t enough though. For the first time, I started to believe…to wholeheartedly have faith and wished for it so hard that moving mountains with bare hands would have been an easier and more reasonable wish. I am trying to still believe, but my faith is shaky, it’s doubtful and I feel like it’s impractical. Can you tell me if I should still keep moving? It’s a silly question, considering I probably won’t ever give up. But should I believe in it so much that it comes true? Or would that be too delusional?


One comment

  1. Ishita Lakra · July 16, 2016

    Liked by 2 people

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